Monthly Archives: October 2013

Ghoulish incidents

We were walking along the road near the farm.  It had been raining quite a bit, and the ground was soft.  Along the side of the road were lots of goat hoof marks.

I said: “Look! Goat trails!”

Lillian acted scared and excited and curious, looking around.  “How can you see them?”

“See, over there.”

“Oh, GOAT trails!  I thought you said ghost trails!”

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She has a new plastic waterbottle for school.  She decorated it with a couple of large stick-on eyes.

“Do you like my waterbottle Daddy?”

“Yes, I guess so…”

“It looks like a face.”

“Sort of…”

“When I drink, it is like I’m sucking out his brains!”

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Jokes

Lillian this evening wrote out some of her favourite jokes.

The talking cockatoo

One day there was a police officer that got a phone call. She answered it, and, “Help! Help! Help! There’s a cat in the room! Come quick! There’s a cat in the room!” the police officer then said, “Do you know who your calling here? THE POLICE!!!! Now nick off!” the answer he got was, “Just, please! I’m begging you! Come quick! The cats coming closer!” The police officer sighed and said, “Ok. Were coming, but can I get your name?” the police officer said. “Cockie.”

Get it? Cockatoos can learn to talk like humans, so the Cockatoos scared of cats!

The silly parrot

One day there was a man called David, and he had a parrot, that could talk to him. One day, the parrot started saying very rude things to David and he got very upset. So he put the parrot in the fridge. The parrot banged and banged on the fridge door for ages, but suddenly stopped. David got a bit worried and opened the fridge door. Suddenly, the parrot was being so very kind to him and was saying sorry. But the parrot said, “One question, what did the chicken do to get plucked?

Get it? The parrot stopped banging because he saw the plucked chicken and thought the chicken did something wrong, so the chicken got plucked!

The grand opening

One day, in Vienna woods, there was a grand opening for a department store. On the first day, the grand opening, a rabbit came along and said, “Do you sell carrots?” And the seller said, “No, this is a department store.” And so the rabbit went away. The second day, the rabbit came again and said, “Do you sell carrots?” and the seller said, “No! This is a department store!” so the rabbit hopped away. The third day the rabbit came again and said, “Do you sell carrots?” the seller said, “NO, THIS IS A DEPARTMENT STORE!!!!! I TOLD YOU THAT!!!!! THE NEXT TIME YOU COME AGAIN, I WILL CUT YOUR EARS OFF!!!!!!!” And at that, the rabbit hopped away. On the fourth day, the rabbit came again and said, “Do you sell scissors? And the seller said, “No, this is a department store!!!!!” then the rabbit said, “Do you sell carrots?”.

Get it? There were no scissors to cut off the rabbits ears!

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Can’t argue with that…

At dinner table.

Lillian: “What’s a white lie?”

Teresa: “Its a lie you tell so you don’t hurt somebody else’s feelings.”

Me: “For example, when people come to dinner they always say how delicious the food is.”

Lillian: “Maybe that’s because it is delicious.”

Me: “But even if they don’t think so, they’d still say it.  That’s why the only way to really know if they like the food is whether they come back for seconds.”

Lillian: “What if they’re full?  Then they wouldn’t come back for seconds even if was delicious.” She continues: “So that’s not a very good way of telling, is it?”

Me, with mock outrage: “Hang on a bit! I’m the epistemologist!”

Lillian: “PISS-temologist! PISS-temologist! PISS-temologist!”

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In school play

In school play

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October 4, 2013 · 12:11 pm

On Skype

help

imean

helo

not help

and

i

mean

i

mean.

not

imean

hi

buy

imean

by

and

imean

bi

and

i

mean

bye

and

imean

i

mean

not

i

not

mean.

andi

saw

some

wals

imean

wales

and

imean whales and i mean i mean not mean and imean i mean not i mean and i saw lots of whales.

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